I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
