he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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