My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it's like heaven, but drunker
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
