The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
