I'm lost and stupid without you.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
