Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I supernannyed him into submission
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
