Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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