we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
