there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
it's like iHOP with fire
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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