How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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