his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
