Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
it's like iHOP with fire
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just found puke in my bra..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
