it was like eating out sand paper
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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