All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
