Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
