Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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