First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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