He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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