my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
