I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ladies don't puke and tell
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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