I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
one two three fourrrrnication!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
