I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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