I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
