the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
