so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Randomize
