I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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