Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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