i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
