I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
