I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
