i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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