He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
