I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
