he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm both gender and math confused
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
