Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
