There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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