I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
