He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
