marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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