just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
