i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Drunk is not a location!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
