Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
