exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
