Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You are a genius and a whore.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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