Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
