I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
