I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
