dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
