I wish they made helmets for livers.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
