yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
