i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
